Skinny Genes and Stuffed Animals...

Getting skinny isn't easy...but if loving food is wrong sometimes I don't want to be right...SOMETIMES. 

But then I hear the sound of a small child (probably the one from that movie with Nicole Kidman-you know the creepy one) calling to me from my closet, "Koooori, KOOOrrriiii."  Initially I panic, then I begin to realize it is not my stomach calling to me, rather it is the pained sound of my unworn skinny jeans.

This sound is backed up by the multiple comments I have received this week...I mean you try to do something nice and the world just.......

Dear World,

            I got it--I am only 5'2, and I happen to enjoy the art of making people laugh.  Did anyone tell you I also enjoy Karaoke. I also happen to enjoy an occasional game of cards (maybe it's the legal kind, I don't know-stop asking about it).  Not that it is yo business, but I also happen to have inherited the genetic makeup of a ogre.  I have nothing against ogres.  To be sure, I have seen all the Shrek movies, and I believe that they do, in fact, have layers.  I would just like to shed all of those layers, so as to not receive comments like, "Oh, so you must be the one who's pregnant" from an unnamed, distant relative at the family reunion that I didn't really want to go to in the first place because I just hung out with the people I would of hung out with had I not driven an hour and half to mindlessly devour my brother's Satanic brownies and some demon-woman's blueberry crumb cake.  I digress, back to the pregnancy announcement.  To myself I think, "I MUST!!! I MUST be the one who is pregnant...oh really.  Must is a strong word, and since I am not, in fact, pregnant today, I guess we might want to reevaluate our word choices.  Now, if you will excuse me I'm going to go burn the shirt I am wearing in a ceremony where a stuffed animal may or may not be sacrificed and then I will proceed to spend the rest of my evening doing planks."

I breathe...

Inner monologue: "No! Stop! Wait!  (the voice from 'The Help' begins playing in my mind).  "You is smart, You is kind, You is important."  Alas, sanity...

This inner voice becomes an external voice as the wisdom of my sister soothes the burn I received a la family reunion: "Kori, whatevs...who cares, you have had a rough couple of weeks--a rough couple of weeks does not dictate the rest of your life.  Living a healthy lifestyle is a LIFE CHOICE.  And today is a little teeny drop in the bucket.  Get back on the horse and throw away that bag of mini Twix that you are hoarding."

I respond the way I would to any 16 year old, as a 16 year old..."whatever, I'm getting cheese fries."  JUST KIDDING, but if you get that reference you are officially awesome sauce (and if you get that reference-you watch too much TV like me).  I respond to this wisdom in a way that probably explains more than I care to admit--"You're right, but I still want a cookie for having my feelings hurt, don't I deserve it? :("

No, I don't deserve it, but I still want it.  This is a truth bomb that I am dealing with, but the mantra that my little sister constantly reminds me of is what has sustained me on this journey for so long...living healthy is a life choice.  If you have a bad day, a bad week, a bad month, or even a bad summer...think about it in terms of your life.  It is just a drop in the bucket, so get back on the horse.  September is the start of many of our school years or work years.  It is kind of a time to get back into routine because our vacations are over, and we are beginning to hear that little voice in the closet whispering, "WEAR Meeee, WeARrr me."  So, let's rename September, 'skinny September'...(insert Nike reference, which I am scared to use for copy wright reasons).

HERE ARE SOME FUN FOOD FINDS for THIS WEEK:

1. LeanWay Granola...1/2 cup is only 2 pts (I can only find it at Harris Teeter though because it is their store brand, but it is the healthiest, best granola I have found!!!!!)
2. BlueBunny Birthday Party Ice Cream Sandwiches...1 sandwich is 3 pts (I can find them at WalMart always, but I found them at Kroger the other day too!)
3. 100 Cal, Popcorn...1 bag is 3 pts (always a solid go to for the afternoon snacky poo)
4. Yoplait Greek Coconut Yogurt...1 serving cup is 3 pts (seriously tastes like heaven!)
5.  Caramel Apple MilkyWays...1 mini milkyway is 1 pt (but, for real, this is ridiculously fun and delicious)

Weekly RECIPE...This one is for you LinnyB (PS, I had it for breakfast this morning)

My monster smoothie:
1 c.  Unsweetened Almond Milk
1 frozen banana
1 cup fresh baby spinach
4 ice cubes
Stevia to taste
Cinnamon to taste

Directions: combine all ingredients into blender and blend (SURPRISE!)...delicious.  I count it as 2 points, and the banana really sweetens the spinach so you can't even taste it.  Try it, and tell me I'm lying :)

ENJOY!!!!!

Eating a latte carrots...

To my daughter, I mean to you random person on the internet:

Several people encouraged me to write this blog…so thanks!  I will attempt to bring you honor.

Why I am writing:  For the last seven years, yes I said seven, I have been on an epic weight loss journey.  Not epic in the successful King Arthur way, but more epic like in the Charlie Chaplin, trip over your pants, kind of way.  Go watch Almost Heroes with Chris Farley, you’ll know what I mean, and it is just a great movie.  You know what just stop reading, and seriously go watch that movie—you need to.

Back to me! Losing the equivalent weight of a preteen cheerleader has been slow and painful process—she wasn’t very nice, and I have had a gazillion number of setbacks. But here it is; I am putting it out there. 

Since 2005 I have lost 100lbs. 

That’s a middle schooler. 

I know because in middle school when they weighed the girl in front of me she weighed that much…then they weighed me.  Needless to say I did weigh that much plus an extra hundred pounds.  Embarrassing…yea.  More embarrassing was that they still read our weight out loud in 1998…I am pretty sure that constitutes bullying now--any takers for my legal defense team.

Anyways, what can I say? I love to eat.  I STILL love to eat.  I eat because I am happy, sad, mad, laughing, in the car, sometimes I even get on the treadmill with an apple in my hand (you've done it).  I LOVE FOOD.

So you will find lots of healthy and fun tips in this blog—and lots of ways to laugh at the fact that eating well and moving more is as hard as hardtack (I was a history major in college—and that’s what people ate on long boat trips…consider yourself smarter today for knowing that).

I also just finished up graduate school; I have a great job (well several jobs) because I got bills to pay. So! I have to come up with fun creative ways to stretch a buck because working with a student loan budget makes some things in this life more difficult than others.  For example, my coffee addiction, and by coffee I mean a venti, skinny (sugar free, nonfat) cinnamon dolce l latte, (while I am not proud) is monetarily unsustainable.  I disgust myself.  But, in a moment of personal privilege, what disgusts me even more are the death stares I receive when my coffee isn’t prepared correctly, and I complain. 

A Note to my lovely Baristas,

Listen, I know it’s not an easy job to work in the service industry.  I served two small children for eight years, and I never got their coffee order wrong believe you me.  But seriously, I am not trying to be a jerk barista baby, I love you (remember the nickel I just put in your tip jar prior to service).  Please understand, however, that me getting full fat milk in my coffee instead of nonfat=a life I have abandoned since they mad me weigh myself in front of the other kids at school, and since you don’t have the time to hear my life story—then just remake my coffee.  Remember I love you like a mug likes hot coffee…a latte.

 Now a few things I must confess to you my beautiful reader that I do in order to cultivate a skinny (note it is not perfectly healthy but kinda) lifestyle—Please note: I am not proud of all of these things…

1.     I go through a two-pound bag of mini carrots each week…call me a rabbit (I am not offended), call me a horse and I will break you.

2.     I go to Jason’s Deli once a week and pack a salad bar to go.  It lasts three meals ($8), and I like the variety.

3.     I always go to the farmers market (even if I don’t buy anything).  It is fun to look around, and it is a great workout.

4.     I drink a lot of diet soda and coffee (either with skim milk or black with sweetener)…I am also convinced I will be a case study for aspartame poisoning (at least I’ll be at a healthy weight?)

5.     I limit myself to dark chocolate.  Not because it is good for me, but because if I eat it then I don’t want anymore.  Milk chocolate, however, I will demolish…set a bag of mini twix in front of me and I will prove it.

6.     I avoid ordering pizza because I will eat the entire box and probably the delivery guy’s arm.  Sometimes I splurge and grab one slice at an eatery.

7.     I try to drink water.  Not a specific amount just a lot. 

8.     I workout 6 days a week.  I know you are saying, “what? I don’t have time.”  Stop reading my blog and go walk around.  You do have time, and once you know how long it will take to work off that sleeve of thin mints, you might not eat the entire sleeve.  Save a fav TV show or listen to that podcast or an audiobook while you bust a move.  You can do this—the Jersey Shore even tells you this is important. 
 

9.     Last…for now.  I eat a bit of everything…I don’t cut off anything in particular.  I take it one skinny decision at a time. 

Here’s my latest crockpot victory:

I call it…

Skinny Mexican Blackbean Chicken

In a 1.5 quart crockpot combine the following:

15 oz. can organic blackbeans

15 oz. can organic diced tomatoes

8 oz. organic chicken breast (boneless and skinless)

2 laughing cow queso cheese wedges

2 ½ cups frozen peppers (blended variety is fine)

salt to taste